So I was hanging out with this 3 year old the other day (that’s a whole other story), and while we were going wild at the playground, I was informed by this very confident 3 year old that, “Pirates are bad.”

I was aghast, deeply disturbed, and even slightly befuddled. What is this world coming to when 3 year olds think pirates are bad? Well, I’ll have you know I got to work setting that child straight right away. I told her I was a pirate. I taught her some pirate words. And I made a promise that the next time we had a play-date, we would dress up as pirates, talk like pirates, and play like pirates at a local park that has a “pirate ship” play area.

And this rescuing of the next generation will coincide with that illustrious and honorable, annual event (drum roll, please) International Talk Like a Pirate Day (TLAPD). I will be getting together with my little 3 year old buddy just days before TLAPD which occurs every September 19th, and I’ll have her saying her Aaaarrrrgggghhhhs and Avasts and Mateys just in the nick of time.

I think it my grand pirate duty to take that landlubber of a child and turn her into a sea worthy buccaneer. I shall inform her of her pirate name, dress her in pirate clothes, arm her with pirate weapons, and have her speakin proper pirate talk before the day’s end, or I’ll be seeing myself to Davy Jones.

I can christen her with her pirate name based on my knowledge of her personality and history or I can use one of the million of Pirate Name Generators out on the web. Being a seasoned pirate me-self, I shall take my knowledge of the child and create a pirate name perfectly suited to her.

Next, it be time to dress my little friend. She be an adorable little lass, but she’s full of gun powder and fight, that one.

Cute, but not quite suited to my little friend.

So I be thinkin that a cute little pirate wench outfit would not be suitin’ the likes of her. She’ll be bound and determined to be one of the crew – ready to pillage, plunder and swab the deck with the rest of the scurvy dogs. 

This is the one for those adventure bound pirates.

So I can obtain a pre-made pirate costume like this one.

Or we could make one of our own. An eye patch, a pirate hat, a sash tied round her waist, and maybe a pirate earring. It really don’t take much to create a mighty fine pirate costume. Savvy?

Then I’ll determine her best pirate weapons, be it the classic pirate cutlass, the hook, or a pistol. Personally,  I think she’ll be one scary opponent when wielding a sword.

The final piece is mastering the pirate lingo. Since I already gave her some basics, we’ll just add to the list. Some, Yo, ho, hos, Shiver me timbers, and Scallywags should do the trick.

I’m sure her mother will be quite amazed at the transformation when I return her little pirate home. And I will know I’ve done a good deed for all pirates everywhere. I have recruited a new pirate (a good one like me), shown her that there be nothing more fun that the pirate’s life, and celebrated Talk Like a Pirate Day in the noblest of fashions.